I pictured myself marrying Colten. Would I be able to share holidays with his family? Would I be able to handle his flaws? Could HE handle all of mine?
The only thing that brought my controlling mind peace was the idea of marrying him. The idea of breaking things off was so painful I would cry big alligator tears just thinking about it.
I told my parents I was pretty sure we were going to get married. And that it wasn't "for sure" yet, but it seemed to be right.
I finally got the courage to pray out loud and ask God on my way home from the gym one evening. It went like this,
"Heavenly Father. I love this man. I love him with all my heart. He's everything I have ever wanted in a husband."
I started to tell him everything I loved about Mr. Jolley. The way he kissed my forehead, the way he handled my emotional breakdowns, even from 150 miles away. The way my little brothers loved him, and the hard worker he truly was. I loved his smile, his muscles, and the way he made me feel safe. I loved the way he wrote me sappy love notes, and often spoke of our future. I loved the way he would watch Disney movies, and the way he loved the Lord.
In a moment of pure revelation, the Lord told me that his job is to fulfill my desires as I live righteously. And He let me catch a glimpse of His love and plans for Mr. Jolley.
He told me yes. After bursting into sobbing happy tears, I knew. It was my turn to say yes.
I totally relate to this! When Brady was on his mission, and I was pressured to date. I finally got the courage almost a year later, to date. After going on a couple dates, I became serious with someone. I knew I had to decide and just like you said, the thought of breaking things off just literally ripped my heart out and I would cry so hard every time I thought about it. I knew that if I felt that way every time, that Brady was right for me. I couldn't let him go and I just knew it. I knew all along that Brady was the one for me.
ReplyDeleteLOVE this part of your story!!