The Girl I Was Before Marriage

I read a lot of books as a teenager about marriage. I've always been interested in the concept of 2 people, getting married, and spending a lifetime + an eternity together. Plus, as a fairly needy person, I really liked the idea of a built in best friend. I was drawn to the idea of being a wife, it was my ultimate dream job. 

I have now been a wife for just over 22 months. It's hard to believe! Sometimes I sit back & think about the girl I was before I got married. She had been through trials, heartbreak, disappointment, and set backs. She'd been judged, lied about, and lost friends because of her faith. But the girl I am now? The married version of Brooklyn? I think she's been through so much more. 

She gave up everything she knew, moved 2 hours from all her friends to marry the love of her life. She's grown to love the temple, and the ordinances made therein. She finds strength, hope, and power in the words of the temple sealing. She spends more time worrying about others, and less about what she looks like. She's prayed nightly with her husband, asking where the Lord wants them to serve. 

She's bought a house, two cars, and 5 pets. She's a dog mom who cried her eyes out while driving her puppy to the vet for an emergency. She's got 2 church callings, and even though she doesn't feel like she's accomplishing much, she knows that God sees her heart. She's lost contact with old friends with distance and time, and gained new friends who challenge her views, and make her stretch. 

The girl I was before I got married was very self-centered. It was all about me. The married version of Brooklyn is still selfish, but she's improving. She's baked homemade cookies, and thrown Tony's Pizzas in the over for dinner multiple nights in a row. She's graduated cosmetology school, college and tries to have patience while her husband gets his degree. 

She doesn't make it to every family party. Sometimes she turns down invites to binge watch Netflix, and take a long bath. She's been through anxiety attacks, weight gain, weight loss, weight gain again, and learning how to care for her body. She's done yoga, zumba, walking, biking, stretching, and weight lifting. She fails sometimes, and she succeeds sometimes.

She's not the girl she was before she got married. She's not the World's Greatest Wife. She doesn't cook and clean and cater to her husband's every desire. & that's okay. Because even though she's not where she wants to be, she's getting closer. & that's all that really matters.