Shocked? Me too. About a week and a half ago I realized how obsessive I was becoming. We went to dinner for my sister's birthday (somewhere I almost didn't go because I knew I didn't have enough calories for the day), and I laughed because after 2 pieces of pizza I only had 14 calories left. Instead of asking my sister about her engagement, my brothers about school, or my grandma about her chemotherapy, I was going on and on about my 14 calories I had left for dessert. I didn't like that version of me.
We had friends from our church over for dinner the other night and my husband made scone burgers. Think 2 scones plus a very yummy patty. I panicked all day about how on earth I was going to fit the calories in and how fattening it was. Instead of being grateful that my husband was making his specialty for our friends, I was complaining about it all day. I didn't like THAT version of me either.
For The Strength of Youth is a pamphlet that comes from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It gives guidelines for youth and adults alike to be their best selves and live a happy life. In the pamphlet in the Physical and Emotional Health Section it says, "To care for your body, eat nutritious food, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. Practice balance and moderation in all aspects of your physical health. Also, avoid extremes that could lead to eating disorders."
I wouldn't necessarily say that counting my calories would eventually lead to an eating disorder, but maybe it would. It was certainly controlling my life way more than I am proud to admit. I want to be the version of me that's ME. That eats a donut every Wednesday, because that's moderation. That tries to work out 30 minutes a day, but will drop everything to serve as the Savior would. I think Heavenly Father wants me to take good care of my body, but I think he wants me to focus on the moderation for now.
So what comes next? I'm not really sure. We have a Disneyland trip coming up and I don't want to spend the whole trip worrying about finding the healthiest foods, or turning down a Mickey ice cream bar because it doesn't "fit my macros". I'm trying to figure out the moderation thing right now. I'm taking a break from calorie counting, and focusing on trying to eat more fruits and veggies and to ONLY eat when I'm hungry and ONLY eat until I'm full.
We should LOVE our bodies. Exercising and eating right should be done because we LOVE our bodies, not because we hate them. So that is what I'm focusing on. That's what comes next for now.