When I got engaged in May, one of my best friends expressed immediate disapproval of the man I had chosen to spend forever with. It was a struggle. I tried to talk him up, I tried to share every good thing about him, and every nice thing he ever said or did to me. I wanted to have the world validate the goodness in him and in our relationship. And now that I'm married, it hasn't got any easier.
One of the problems about being a part of the blogging world, is you get to see all the good of everyone else's lives. Husbands who bring home fresh flowers every week, wives who make EVERY freaking meal from scratch, mothers who fix all 5 girls hair before church, and love notes left between couples. I'm not saying it's bad to post those kind of things, I think it's really important to share our successes, it's not to dim others light, but to give them permission to shine too.
The problem is, I want to change the world's opinion on marriage. I want women to see that marriage doesn't lessen their worth, or keep them from reaching their goals. I want to teach men that is is wonderful to settle down and raise a family. I want everyone to see my marriage and think "Man, marriage is pretty wonderful."
That friend who disapproved of my husband still does. She still thinks he's pretty awful. I want to shout at her, "DIDN'T YOU READ MY BLOG? DON'T YOU SEE HOW IN LOVE WE ARE?? WE GO ON DATE NIGHT EVERY WEEK, WE PRAY AND READ SCRIPTURES TOGETHER, WE SUPPORT EACH OTHER! MY MARRIAGE ROCKS!"
I'm coming to understand that my marriage isn't between her and I, it's between my husband and I. It's about two flawed people, who've committed to a lifetime of living, learning and annoying each other. I will continue to share lots of marriage posts on my blog, because my husband is my #1 priority. But I'm learning that I don't need anyone to approve of my marriage except God, my husband, and myself.
So I don't need you to tell me my husband is amazing or handsome or spiritual. The only person who needs to believe that is me. I don't need any of you to tell me that I should've dated him longer, or shouldn't have got married so young. I don't need to know anyone's dang statistics. In my opinion, my marriage DOES rock. And honestly? That's all I care about.
8 comments:
Both my husband's best friend and the best friend's family and then there's also my best friend who disapproved our marriage. Mostly because it was just pretty fast (even though we met in December, got engaged on the last day on March, and got married in August. We spent a lot of time with each other and I still stayed on his side. My best friend came around once she met him after we got engaged...kinda. She and her boyfriend of a few years kept nagging at us saying that we don't have a secure job, we aren't too sure what we want to do with our lives we are poor. Heck, we don't care if we are poor or what! We love each other and that's that!! During our wedding, we saw that one of my other best friends was going through a divorce. Who was married for over a year at that time and had gotten married a bit fast. Which was tough on us since we were getting married within a week when we found out. Jason and I prayed and we just knew, no doubt we were suppose to get married. Within our marriage, we have a lot of our arguments, but in the end it's all about the love that we have.
With Jason's best friend, it took them awhile. We did see his best friend here and there. But just didn't hang out with him too much. Then one day he invited us to his house and have dinner with his family. I got nervous, because they didn't approve of us getting married...right away. They too wanted me to go on my mission. But they found out what I was doing with my life, I had got laid off of nanning and I decided to just go to school, then after school get a job and so forth. They just saw that I was working hard and still loving Jason. Since Jason had some past relationships that weren't great and didn't like him who he was.
It takes best friends time to accept it. My best friend, had her boyfriend in her mind, saying you need money and you have to finish college before you get married blah blah blah. I know a part of her, she was jealous. Because she had been with her boyfriend for 3 years!! and no ring!! I don't like her boyfriend and hope that they don't get married, because one incident that happened that just messed my best friend up. And I just didn't like that one bit. But I hope that I will accept that when that day comes. lol but that day will come. If not, just live your life with your husband who you love deeply!!! <3
Love this. I completely relate!!
You go girl! Your marriage does rock and who cares what people say! Their opinions don't matter.
On my blog I try to show that we not only do cute things but we struggle too.
I totally get the point of this post though. Who am I trying to impress?
I know exactly the feeling. The disapproval for our marriage came from my mother in law and a few people in mine didn't agree with us getting married to young. Most of the people on my family were shut down immediately and slowly learned how wonderful my husband is and how loving our marriages is. My mother in law still seems unconvinced and it's only been 8 years. My pastor told me one thing when we were in premarital counseling, marriages takes three you, your husband, and GOD. I so glad I hear that before we got married because it's helped me to not let people's opinions bother me in the last eight years. Occasionally I am still frustrated that my mother in law doesn't see all that I try to do for her or that I do for her son. But you can't please all the people all the time. Your marriage is beautiful and so are you and your husband. The people that matter know it!
It's so hard when the people important to us aren't happy for us when we're so happy in our lives, but then I think it's time for us to realize that maybe that person maybe shouldn't be so important to us? It doesn't make it any easier to deal with though. I feel ya girl :) I really do! I'm happy though that you're so happy in your marriage-- I really am!!
Sounds to me like that friend is jealous, and her motives for approving or not approving aren't entirely out of friendship and love for you, but jealousy at what you have. Just my take on it.
xoxo,
gayle | grace for gayle
I'm a #Previvor!
I always love hearing of a strong marriage centered around our Lord! I heard once that when a girl gets married, she loses 3 friends - and for me, it was true. I still look back and am sad that I lost their friendships but would I trade my new husband for their obviously conditional love? Nope. I have enjoyed reading your blog and appreciate the different topics you cover! I have been trying to figure out what specific topic I should focus on my blog but now I'm thinking I don't have to. Thanks for being such an encouragement! God bless.
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