marriage advice i was given before my wedding

Any of you who are married know that as soon as you get engaged, the marriage advice starts a'flying. People can't contain themselves, they want to share the things they have learned! And while I was grateful for some of it, some of it I didn't agree with. At one of my bridal showers they had everyone write down some marriage advice and put it in a cute photo album for me, so I'm gonna share some of my thoughts on the marriage advice I was given before my wedding!

Hold hands whenever you can.
This is something I've tried to really incorporate into our marriage. I even wrote a post about it here! But holding hands with Mr. Jolley is something that can instantly strengthen our bond and remind us that we are in this life together. 

Never compare your relationship to other couples. Enjoy your decisions & what you like to do together. 
I LOVE this piece of advice. Especially because of social media these days, it's easy to get caught up in the comparison game. Well her husband always makes her dinner, and watches Disney movies with her and buys her lots of presents... etc. etc. etc. Focusing on the good in MY marriage and not worrying about everyone else's has really helped me begin to adjust to married life. 

On another note, what works for one couple doesn't necessarily work for another couple. Don't think you have to be like everyone else! We do some things differently in our marriage than what I had pictured marriage to be like, but it works for us, and that's what matters.

Don't go to bed angry.
This isn't one that I really believe in. Mostly because I get the most irrational when I'm exhausted. If an issue isn't resolved at 1 AM, it probably won't be resolved at 3 AM. I think some couples need that closure before they can sleep, but lots of times I need that sleep to come to my senses about a situation. 

Marriage isn't 50/50. Sometimes you give 80 and he 20, other times he'll give 80 and you 20. 
Some days Mr. Jolley does all the cleaning because I can't handle one more thing, and sometimes its just the opposite. There are days where one of us is in a good mood and the other isn't. We take turns and take care of each other. In my marriage I really try hard to not keep score. It doesn't really matter who cleaned out the litter box last, because it needs to be done. 

Keep your friends and family close- it will only make your marriage stronger!
I agree with this. Because I moved away from all my friends to marry Mr. Jolley, I don't have that many friends in SLC. But my family is close, and some of his family and friends live close. I will admit we aren't the best at this. Sometimes its just easier to watch a movie by ourselves at our apartment than it is to make that effort to go out, but I always am happier in my marriage when I spend time with my family and friends. 

Don't let small things bother you. If you are upset about something, tell him! Don't hold it inside. 
This piece of advice is something I have been going back and forth on and am trying to find a good balance. I heard once that in a good marriage, 5 things should be left unsaid every day. I think there are a lot of little things in marriage that simply don't need to be said, but on the other hand, I'm also infamous for holding things in until I explode in a raging ball of emotion. So there's a middle ground of holding things in, and telling your spouse every little thing about them that bothers you, and I'm still working on finding it. 

What's the best marriage advice you've received? I'd love to hear it!

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Kendra Klingler said...

Don't go to bed angry, it does work (at least for my husband and I) But it's not the best solution. Being angry, and saying I love you and praying together works the best. If the other person sleeps in the other room, that it fine too. But praying together is the best thing, because have Heavenly Father help is the only way it will get better.

Marriage isn't 50/50. How my husband puts it, it's 100/0. You give everything in the relationship and you except nothing in return. But hoping the best. My husband, he sees me do something and how hard I'm doing it and sees that I'm struggling, he will help me and he will work as hard as I am. Every guy is different too :)

Melissa Nicole said...

So I may have to save this post for years from now when (if) I get married! This is awesome :)

Charlene Maugeri said...

I completely agree with you on the going to bed angry thing. I never really understood why people say not to. Sometimes you need to sleep on it. It is easier to be rational in the morning. Well, maybe not too early, but you get what I mean. ;)

Charity said...

I was told to keep important matters between us because at the end of the day our marriage includes us and God. Also I used to think the same way about going to bed angry because I am a crab. But I now find myself being convicted if I sleep when I am angry. Now I just tell my husband I am sorry and talk with him about it in the morning. I know for me if I go to bed angry in the morning I really would want nothing to do with him. So I am working on praying through the anger or at least calling a truce until morning. I've also vowed to myself not to let anger drive me out of our bed.

Amy Creager said... unrelated to the post but I have to say it...I love that picture of you two so much! and I do love the post too:)

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Ashley Ziegler said...

It's so hard to keep your friends closer when you get married. no one ever wants to hangout!

Unknown said...

I love the part about not going to bed angry, I tried my best to not do that coz it's really bad to hold grudges against your spouse. I came across a very good, free ebook about how to communicate well and effectively in a marriage, how to solve conflicts and negotiate. Here's the link to the ebook Save The Marriage Tips